How to Show Assertiveness at Work

In the spectrum of professional communication, there are four main styles: passive, passive-aggressive, assertive, and aggressive. Assertiveness is the ideal middle ground. When you're assertive, you demonstrate strong leadership qualities without excluding others. You voice your feedback constructively without dismissing other viewpoints in your group or hurting someone's feelings. You are firm but kind, relaxed, but still professional. Being assertive is a bit of a delicate dance and requires some practice.

What it Means to be Assertive at Work

To best qualify this feature, you might compare an assertive approach versus a more passive or aggressive one. Being assertive is often more about "how" you say something rather than "what" you're saying. There are three key factors to consider:

Tone of Voice

Assertive communication is calm and clear — you don't raise your voice in anger or drown out other voices on your team. Rather, you speak up at a normal volume, even if you disagree. You enunciate and say what you mean.

Body Language

Maintain open body posturing (don't cross your arms) and sit up straight while others are speaking. Don't fidget or be a distraction. If you and your team are meeting together in person, try to avoid sitting in the back of the room. If you're meeting via videoconferencing software, keep your camera on. If you're someone who gestures with your hands while speaking, consider keeping your hands on your lap or behind your back instead.

Eye Contact

Keep eye contact with the person who is speaking but keep your eyes soft. If you feel challenged or defensive by something another person says, make sure your gaze doesn't become too direct or challenging but don't shy away either. Do not roll your eyes or behave disrespectfully. When meeting online, speak into the camera rather than at the screen.

Choice of Words

When speaking to your teammates or your supervisor, begin with "I” statements. This structure demonstrates personal accountability.

Don't say:

You didn't give me much time to complete the presentation. It's impossible to finish it by your deadline.

Say:

I need some assistance creating the presentation for the board by the deadline. I wondered if anyone has some time to help me pull the slides together.

Speak concisely; everyone on the team deserves a chance to speak, and there's no need to elongate a meeting unnecessarily. Sometimes, when we're nervous, we might ramble a bit. Pause and consider what you need to say before actually saying it. Don't make excuses; just be clear about what you need.

Don't say:

Well, based on the timeline, I'll need a couple of days to aggregate all of the data, and it may take a while to gather the data sets in the first place. People are busy and might not be able to send everything to me on such a tight schedule. It would have been good to know about this deadline earlier.

Say:

I will need until Friday to finish the presentation. Will that work within your timeline?

Be direct and say what you mean.

Don't say:

Do you think you can all send me your data sometime this week? I know we're in a time crunch.

Say:

Please send me your data by Wednesday, so I'll have time to compile the recommendations.

Why Assertiveness Matters

When it comes to your professional persona, an assertive approach can help you impress your colleagues and supervisors. Employing assertive communication will help you hold boundaries and earn respect. When you're assertive, you effectively communicate your ideas and concerns, which will help you become more productive and successful in the long run. Learn how to ask for what you need; you might be surprised how willing others are to help you.

It can be difficult to get along with everyone on your team. An assertive communication style at work can help individuals with different opinions navigate their disagreements with respect. You don't have to be best friends, but you do share a common goal. Being assertive keeps the work environment safe and open.

How to Practice Your Assertive Communication Style

For many, being assertive feels uncomfortable or even confrontational. That's why it takes practice; assertiveness doesn't come easy to everyone. Before you enter a challenging conversation, take some time to self-regulate. It's easier to be confident and assertive when you're calm. Upon entering a meeting space, take a moment to consider your body language. Crossing your arms or legs closes you off from the conversation, making you seem guarded. Avoid slouching and focus on your breathing.

Part of successful, assertive communication is active listening. Really listen to what the other person is saying rather than pre-formulating your argument. Don't interrupt others who are speaking. However, if someone isn't letting others in the room speak their turn, you could employ a polite statement such as, "May I interrupt briefly?"

We often tend to avoid silence but allow for quick pauses to gather what we need to say in response. Start by repeating what you heard the other person say.

From what I understand, I need to complete this presentation by Friday. Is that correct?

Once you've established that everyone is on the same page, lean on those "I” statements and direct phrases. Remember to keep your points concise and invite others to speak. Practice saying "no" to unreasonable requests but demonstrate your willingness to find a compatible solution.

No, I won't be able to complete the presentation by Friday. However, if you're willing to assist me this week, we could probably meet that deadline.

Holding boundaries, disagreeing with your supervisor, requesting a raise, and asking for help are not easy things to do. They require confidence, poise, and calm. Assertiveness is a skill, but it's a competency that will set you up for long-term career success.