The world would be a wonderful place if our inboxes were just constantly overflowing with compliments, praise, and free coffee coupons. But, unfortunately, there’s a big difference between fantasy and reality. Instead, you have to deal with junk email, deadlines, and endless questions. And, if that wasn’t already enough to have you heaving an exasperated sigh, you also need to handle the occasional angry email.
Whether it’s from a coworker, client, or your boss, being on the receiving end of a scathing message is never fun. And, it can be difficult to know exactly how to react. Should you run to your supervisor? Should you ignore it? Should you hide under your desk and cry?
Well, handling that delicate situation is undeniably a little tricky. But, it’s still doable. Follow these steps to deal with that occasional angry work email. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t involve cowering under your desk.
1. Take a Pause
What’s your first emotion when you get to the closing line of an aggressive email? I’m willing to bet you wind up feeling about as angry as the sender.
But, as tempting as it might be to toss both middle fingers up at your computer screen and fire off an equally biting reply, resist the urge to respond immediately. Take a few minutes—or even a few hours—to breathe deeply and collect yourself.
You can’t fight fire with fire. So, crafting your response in the heat of the moment really won’t make things better.
2. Consider Reasoning
Now that you’ve taken some time to cool off, it’s time to consider where this angry sender is coming from. Did you make a costly mistake, and now he or she is furious about it? Or, does this person just seem to be irrationally angry and looking for any excuse to fly off the handle?
Identifying the cause of that scorching message is helpful in crafting a fitting response. It helps you determine whether you actually have something to apologize for, or if you need to be a little more firm, direct, and rational in your reply.
3. Determine Your Approach
I’m a big fan of the convenience of email. But, that doesn’t mean it’s the universally perfect communication method for every single circumstance.
Although it might seem easy to simply craft a response message and never have to encounter that person directly, it’s important to evaluate whether or not that’s the best tactic. Do you need to setup an in-person meeting or a one-on-one phone call with this person to resolve the issue? Is this something that needs to be escalated to your supervisor?
Weigh your options and determine which one best fits the situation. It may seem like a pain, but it’ll ultimately make things better in the long run.
4. Recognize Emotions
This person is obviously upset about something. And, regardless of whether he or she has legitimate justification for being angry or is just looking for problems, it’s important for you to acknowledge the emotional reaction.
If you’ve decided to reply via email, begin by saying something along the lines of, “I can understand that you’re upset about this.” It recognizes that you’re not just brushing off their feelings, and that you’re hoping to talk through what exactly is causing this outburst. Even better, it’s usually enough to placate them and take their anger down a few notches—simply because they feel heard.
However, it’s important that you avoid the phrase “I’m sorry”—unless you actually have something you need to apologize for. You don’t want to send the message that you’re accepting blame, especially if you think you’re right. And, stating things like, “I’m sorry to hear you’re upset” or “I’m sorry you feel that way” can come across as condescending brushoffs in emails.
5. Ask Questions
Here’s the thing about angry people: They tend to rant and rave about problems, without ever presenting any potential solutions. So, when crafting your email reply, make sure to pose a few questions to the sender.
Asking things like, “What can I do to help remedy this situation?” or “Where do you suggest we go from here?” encourages them to thoughtfully contribute to the conversation—rather than repeatedly berating and belittling you. Plus, it’s also a pretty solid indicator of whether or not this person is angry for the sake of being angry, or if he or she has something legitimate to be worked up about.
6. Encourage Further Discussion
Even if you made the choice to respond to a scathing message via email, you can still open the door for continued conversation about the subject.
After getting through the rest of your explanation, offer the opportunity to discuss this further—but directly this time. Questions like, “Would you like to set up a time when we can talk all of this over on the phone?” or “Can we meet for coffee to go over the details?” offer the opportunity to really work the kinks out—without that security blanket of email hanging over you. People are much more brave behind their computer screens—just take a look at any YouTube comments, and that becomes obvious.
Having a scorching email pop up in your work inbox is never fun. But, unfortunately, it’s something we all need to deal with every now and then. Keep these steps in mind, and you’re sure to calm that angry person and address the situation appropriately—without ever even feeling tempted to curl up under your desk.
