First off, sorry, I need to say something.
You may think that you’re devious enough to fool others into believing you’re more talented than you are. But I’ve got news for you: you’re not fooling anybody. Because even though you might think you’ve lucked into a job, most employers are smart enough to know that you really are as talented as you say—even if you secretly don’t believe it.
What this means is that you can stop apologizing already. As long as you aren’t over-stepping any boundaries, getting hired somewhere means you’ve earned your right to be there. You’re expected to have an opinion and a voice. Unless you’ve offended somebody, caused them bodily harm or truly inconvenienced them in some way, the word “sorry” really has no place in your day to day interactions with others.
Women, especially, seem to lean on this word a lot in the workplace. Socialized from an early age to focus on relationships and cooperation, “sorry” is often misused as a way to avoid coming across as rude or abrasive. Instead, it only serves to undermine your image as a leader. In fact, apologizing too much can eventually hurt you, making you seem weak or subordinate.
It’s a bad habit that can be hard to break. But unless you truly have something to feel sorry about, it’s time to eliminate the word from your casual vocabulary. Here’s how.
Keep a Record
You might not even be aware of how often you apologize. Perhaps you say sorry for such benign things as addressing a co-worker in the middle of a task or using the copy machine when someone else is waiting. Keeping a record of how often you say it or write it puts you in the habit of noticing when you say it, why you said it, and whether or not it was really necessary.
After you’ve spent a good week or so tracking yourself, it will be easier to look back and identify patterns. If you’ve recorded the details of each incident, you should be able to recognize when “sorry” was simply used as verbal tic or when it was based on feelings of insecurity. Is something or somebody making you feel intimidated? And if so, are those feelings based on something real or imagined? Use the record as an opportunity to isolate and eliminate triggers.
Use Another Phrase
Sometimes the word “sorry” is used as a verbal crutch, when you can’t think of something better to say. Having a record of when and why you said it can help you find words or phrases that better communicate what you’re trying to say.
For instance, if you’ve popped your head into a colleague’s office to ask a quick question, simply greeting the co-worker with a friendly hello and then stating your intention will do. If they’re clearly in the middle of something, “excuse me” usually works better than sorry.
And don’t underestimate the power of saying nothing at all.
Be Direct
Sometimes people use the word “sorry” when they’re afraid of being too direct. But being indirect only dilutes your message and discredits the messenger. As a matter of fact, straying too far from your real intentions can often lead to anxiety and misunderstanding in the listener.
If you’re coming from a place of connection and confidence rather than detachment and insecurity, saying exactly what you want to say doesn’t make you aggressive or arrogant, it makes you competent.
