It’s normal to feel out of place when starting a new job. But what happens if you continue to feel like an outsider, even after you’ve been there for a while?
There are numerous reasons why you might feel this way. Differences in age, gender, or culture can sometimes play a role. It might have less to do with you personally than with your co-workers’ comfort level.
It’s easy to get indignant about this. And in many ways, you’d be justified. But getting defensive doesn’t really help. This doesn’t mean that you should accept it or look for another job if you’re happy with your current one.
Unless you’re dealing with discrimination or your co-workers are unkind, try to give them the benefit of the doubt. It’s human to fall back on generalizations until you get to know someone. You probably even do it yourself, sometimes.
If you really want to be accepted as one of the guys (or gals), you’ll probably have to make an effort. Hint: this doesn’t mean forcing yourself on others or being something that you’re not.
Be Yourself
Which brings us to rule number one: even when you’re trying to fit in, “to thine own self be true.” If you’re a woman who’s not particularly fond of frat boy humor, don’t suddenly start telling crude jokes in order to be one of the guys.
The same can be said when dealing with people of different ages, traditions and personal beliefs. As long as you can remain nonjudgmental without giving up your unique identity and values, your co-workers will likely come to respect and like you for who you are.
Value Your Unique Contribution
Sometimes having an outsider perspective can be an enormous advantage. It’s hard to be different or think outside of the box when everybody has the same ideas. Having an alternate point of view can be appealing. But if you’re trying too hard to think and act like everyone else, no one will ever have the chance to benefit from it. Once you recognize and value your unique contributions, others will too.
Be a Team Player
How much are your own biases and prejudices influencing your relationships with others? Maybe your assumption that you won’t fit in has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead of thinking of yourself as you against them, think about what’s best for the team. The more you act like a team player, the more you’ll be accepted as one.
Be Proactive
Don’t wait for others to make the first move. Sometimes people might assume you’re not interested or they’re unsure about to approach you. Try to get the ball rolling by inviting a colleague to lunch or coffee or dropping by their desk for a chat.
When in Rome…
Workplaces can be as varied as people. Some are dominated by nerdy tech types with limited social experience, while others are filled with prep school graduates in suits and ties. You’ll always be more comfortable in some workplace cultures than others. The key is to understand the company culture—the way others interact, dress, think—and learn how to adapt to it while maintaining your own identity.
If despite your best efforts, you continue to feel left out, you might consider looking for a new job.
