“All monsters are human.”
So says actress Jessica Lange as Sister Jude in a memorable episode of American Horror Story. And isn’t that why we’re so drawn to them? As fellow creatures of habit and instinct looking to contain our own inner monsters, we intrinsically understand what motivates them.
After all, who hasn’t felt like they would go all Silence of the Lambs on the next person who called an unnecessary meeting at work? We could all stand to learn a thing or two from the likes of Hannibal Lecter and his ilk when it comes to managing our careers. On this Halloween eve, here some lessons to be learned from a few of our favorite monsters.
Count Dracula
Who wouldn’t hire this guy? He’s charming, confident and has people skills up the wazoo. Cool and utterly charismatic, this erudite vampire knows how to control a situation with effortless ease.
Whether dealing with high-powered CEOs or impressionable young hiring managers, the Count understands the power of seduction to get his way. Direct eye contact, great listening skills and superb manners are always winning ways to influence others into seeing things his way – whether it’s good for them or not.
Frankenstein’s Monster
This poor monster is so inextricably linked to his master that many people think they share the same name. What is his name, anyway?
At any rate, it’s no surprise that eventually he gets so irritable about his master trying to control him and take credit for everything that he finally blows his top and goes on an angry rampage, threatening many surly but innocent bystanders in his wake.
This guy can learn a thing or two about anger management, but more importantly, he should have stood up for himself before his temper reached a boiling point. Maybe Frankenstein and his monster could even have benefitted from a little counseling.
Similarly, if you feel as if your boss is profiting at your expense, either it’s time to have a real heart to heart or to decide to be your own master – or at least find a new one.
The Wolf Man
You work hard, so doesn’t that entitle you to play just as hard? After all, you’re young, seemingly invincible, and as far as you’re concerned, you own the night.
Who cares if sometimes you awaken in the morning with a funny taste in your mouth or feeling as if you’ve run a marathon barefoot through a thicket of thorny vines.
You may have no recollection of what happened the night before, but you’re pretty sure it wasn’t pretty.
Take a lesson from our friend the Wolf Man and stop while you’re still ahead. You may think that it doesn’t affect your image or performance at work, but eventually people will start to notice. At some point all your nocturnal revelry will catch up with you and when it does, you’ll feel like as naked and exposed as a werewolf felled by a silver bullet on the side of the road.
The Zombie
Remember when you first started at your job, eager and energetic? You probably wore shiny new clothes and combed your hair every day. But now you’re lucky if you can muster a semi-fresh pair of jeans from the bottom of the hamper.
Somewhere along the way, something happened at work that transformed you from an ambitious, hopeful and promising young professional to a glassy-eyed, Internet addicted, bed-headed zombie.
Maybe it was the toxic smell of burnt coffee, or the sight of all those desk tchotchkes or being Cc’d on too many emails. Whatever the cause, the only cure is a gunshot wound to the head.
Or finding a new job could work, too.
(Photo: Flickr/Nathan Rupert)
